Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
