She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
