McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
