I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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