We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
