An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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