It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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