Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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