so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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