I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
