Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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