Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
