In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He kissed a someone with a penis
handjob tips. give me some.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
