Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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