we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
