ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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