apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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