Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
