he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
