It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
