Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
