we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
