I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
