just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
