I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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