Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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