The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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