..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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