Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
