So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
