my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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