My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
