and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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