His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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