I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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