WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
