You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
