Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
