Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize