I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
