this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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