seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
