just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
