Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
