i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
