Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
