he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
