I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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