i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
