The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
