Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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