i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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