He felt like a one man threesome
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
