this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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