It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize