so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Watching her eat just hurts me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
