last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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