oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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