forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
