At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i think my cat just said my name.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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