She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
