I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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