How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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